Pain is Real

I am grateful for rejection,

Another push towards perfection. 

Pain is real, well,

Pain is my muse. 

Tears stream down my face,

Stained as war paint, full of grace. 

Pain is real, well,

Pain is my muse. 

Brush strokes jagged,

Breath becoming ragged. 

Pain is real, well,

Pain is my muse. 

This connection you arrest,

I am not weak; I won’t protest. 

Pain is real, well,

Pain is my muse. 

(“Pain is real, well,/ Pain is my muse” is credited to my dear friends, the band Denmantau, from their song “Pain is my Muse” off Busker’s Philosophy)

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Why Did I Fall For YOU? // That’s a Silly Question!

Here I sit, heart-breaking and longing for you to reach out to me. From this side, it seems as if there you sit, free and unaffected

By the love I thought we “shared.”

Yet we do share, and you are affected, even though it may not manifest itself  in ways my ego wants to see.

My heart isn’t breaking, but rather the shell of this cocoon is cracking and making room for the newest transformation of my loving, emotional soul.

This transformation was made possible by allowing myself to be vulnerable to you.

Your transformation- however obvious or subtle to the outside world,

To your inner world,

Is just as beautiful and emotional and intense as my own,

It seems so complicated, but it’s rather simple.

Do you wait for me to make the first move?

Must I always break first?

I fuel the embers of these ridiculous mind games;

Games which are meaningless, pointless and only propelled by our confusing and backwards society.

Why do I strike the match against the lighter fluid-soaked fabric of drama?

Probably because living in acceptance and devoid of ego is really hard,

And hard can be displeasing sometimes.

This time I shall not crumble,

My brass stance holds strong-

Balanced.

Keep balanced.

Yet even though I write these words,

And even though I believe them strongly

It only lasts for a moment

A very fleeting moment.

I tend to be the first to break our silent spells. I can’t seem to help myself, I just enjoy talking with you so much.

Yet words are words, and even these words are silly.

Fighting desire until it makes me crazy. Is that what balance is? Or is balance sending that thought to you in message form, or reaching out to exchange vocal vibrations when I feel pulled to do so?

Pure balance is knowing between Truth in connection and desire for a distraction from my own problems.

I’m still learning,

Always learning.

Still seeking balance,

Always seeking balance; I am a Libra after all!

Yet being a Libra, I am social.

I like to speak, and I like to hear.

I like social exchange with you very much.

Noble-spirited Mayat

The Nile of my veins flowing

Dancing, energizing;

Here I stand.

Yet even if you decide not to share in love with me, or I decide the same

My blood will still flow. It will keep flowing…

…unless I’m dead!

I don’t think that’s quite likely anytime soon, though.

WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME?

What a preposterous question.

Even in our silence we speak.

In moments apart, I feel you.

You feel me.

We are still communicating through the Universe.

I find myself assuming we’re not in sync during my times of despair,

Yet you seem to prove me incorrect.

We are in sync.

Continuously.

It hasn’t stopped yet,

And silence doesn’t change that.

So, again I say:

Why did I fall for YOU?

That’s a silly question

Death Reacquaints Us

He asked me not to die

Before he could get back to loving me,

Yet eighty years have gone by,

And now I am old and gray.

Skin dry as paper,

Breath a struggled rasp;

I do not know where you are-

Alive or dead.

I’ll see you soon, I’m sure.

Now I leave this Earthen place,

And become free in this vast Universe.

I will be in love with you soon,

When death reacquaints us.

Weeping Willow

Weeping willow;

Set by the fire

Of your desire,

And cry tears of

Flame and anguish

In this life so lavish. 

Eternal is my love,

And wholesome is my trust

That you seek beyond lust,

Full of hope: 

These wayward dreams,

The way in which your eye gleams. 

Puppeteer my heart strings,

Forcefully face my fears

As I learn through tears

Of honest realization. 

For your wonderous soul,

I should gladly pay the toll. 

(12/17/2014)

Creative Communication

For my very first post on this specific blog, I would like to focus on “creative communication.” I’ve been challenging myself to practice connecting with people in this way, and the more passionate or intense the message I am trying to portray, the more symbolic and artistic I strive to be.

To start, I am defining creative communication as: ‘translating a message, idea or feeling through symbolic, thought-out and artistic means whether it be through writing, music/audio or visual representation.”

A friend of mine whom I love very dearly once challenged me to communicate with him through haikus, and I found that we were able to create beautiful images while still expressing our Truths in a clear and synchronized manner. In fact, we both had the mind to write down our back-and-forth haiku expressions in journals; he ended up using them as lyrics in an improv song during a performance.

Fast forwarding to the present, I’ve been noticing issues in my communication with this same individual, and I didn’t know what to do. After what felt like hours of pondering the situation, pondering my thoughts and emotions, my desire to connect, my desire to be close and share in true, spiritual, cosmic Love with this one individual I came up with a haiku. I wrote it down in my notebook and sent it to him. Throwing ego out the window, and allowing myself to be vulnerable to this person, I realized the best way to connect with him wasn’t through silence but rather through creative communication. He did respond with a haiku of his own, thus starting another back-and-forth of creative sharing betwixt the two of us. For a moment I felt eased, centered, and assured.

It has become apparent to me that the most meaningful connections in my life are fostered through mutual creative communication. Whether it be sharing fine art, writing or music, I find myself being more mindful and really trying to dig deep within to find the Truth in whatever message I’m sending is. I want to foster these connections with more than just this lover and friend of mine, and I am so curious to see how that affects the flow of those other relationships.